InsaneJournal

Happy Birthday, McKay!
Happy Birthday my dear!
Thank you for organizing the Snupin Santa Exchange and for all the other amazing things that you've done for the fandom!

This fic got away from me a bit, I think. This is a bit rushed as well, my apologies :(
I always think of Alpha!Remus when I hear Sarah McLachlan's "Possession", so here's my first attempt at portraying him.

Title: Possession
Pairing: RL/SS
Rating: R
Word Count: 2107 plus lyrics, 1890 without them. I love the "word count" function on MSWord
Warnings: This turned out a bit darker than I had anticipated, but I'm hoping the sappiness makes some sort of balance!


Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide,
Voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time,

They say he called to me there, in the darkest of all hells. He won’t admit to it, of course. He would never acknowledge that he had ever been desperate enough to call a name into that empty room, a prayer into the unforgiving, suffocating silence that surrounded him. When they ask him if the rumor is true, he simply does not answer. What they do not know is that in those same nights, I heard. And I cried out for him as well.

The night is my companion
and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied,

The wolf knows a thing or two about solitude, as do I, I think. I had become accustomed to it at a young age, out of necessity. What I cannot handle is not the solitude, but being tempted with something more than the emptiness and then having it taken away. Voldemort had already taken from me my best friends. I vowed that he would take no one else.

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear.

I had wanted him for years, but in the end, he came to me. The night before the full moon found him at my door, personally, wolfsbane in hand.

I had been distraught. The death of Sirius still weighed on my mind, as did the affections of his cousin. I could not keep her far enough from me. I could not keep her away at all.

For these and other things, he mocked me, baited me. He had just the night before seen the patronus that the girl had sent up while escorting Harry to the school. It had been a wolf, not a dog, and he had seen this and he was angry, although he would never admit to that either. He accused me of sleeping with my best friend: my best friend! And then he accused me of using Tonks as a convenient substitute.

Any other night I might have been able to contain it. But the wolf was too close and he evidently shared my desire. Severus was too beautiful in his fury, eyes glittering, lips curled to form that viscious sneer that challenged me to react, challenged me to lose control. The wolf could not help it. No, in all honesty, I could not help it.

Before the growl had fully sounded from my throat, I had him knocked backwards on top of the table, wrists pinned to its surface. I was on top of him, ruthlessly demanding kisses, demanding submission.

He fought a bit I think. I recall him writhing beneath me and hurling a string of curses that would have made Mundungus blush, which I took to be an act of protest. When I miraculously managed to subdue myself and made a motion to free him, however, he grabbed my waist fiercely and kissed me with such a passion that I lost myself in him again. To this day we cannot have a meal on that table without exchanging lewd glances. It makes the guests uncomfortable.

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
to find the truth enslaved,

I know a bit about betrayal as well.

I had always liked Peter. He never quite seemed like he belonged, just as I never quite belonged. Sirius and James dominated our friendship; Peter and I were simply the lesser lights that had been attracted by their confidence and fearlessness.

Of course I loved them all as my brothers, but I felt as though I understood Peter best, despite his eagerness to participate in the bullying of my dear Severus (yes, dear even then, despite my inability to admit it). When I found out that it had been him who had betrayed James and Lily, I very nearly killed him myself. Luckily, Harry had been there to stop me.

Oh you speak to me in riddles and
you speak to me in rhymes

With Severus it was different. I had never loved Peter in such a way as I did him. Peter did not belong to me. Ever since that night on my kitchen table (as ridiculous as it sounds), Severus did. His sins reflected my failure. More than his blood, then, I craved to know why he had done it.

When he opened his door to find me soaking in the rain, cloakless, tear-stained and in despair, he was at a loss for words. But I was brusquely pulled inside, tea was brewed, my clothes dried. Once I was safe from pneumonia, a traveling cloak was thrown at me and I was told to leave.

My body aches to breathe your breath,
your words keep me alive.

“Why?” My voice cracked, sounding more savage than I had ever known it.

“It would be best if you did not know.” He answered impassively.

“Legilimens!”

It was then that I fully understood why the Headmaster had asked Severus to teach Occlumency to Harry. I was thrown clear out the door by the force of the counter-spell. When I opened the door again, the house was empty.

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear.

Two weeks later, Harry arrived at my door, out of breath and hand on his forehead. I quickly let him in and tried to sit him down, but he wouldn’t sit.

“They have him.”

“What? Who?”

“They have him. They have Snape.”

I recall suddenly feeling very cold.

“The Ministry? The Order?”

“No, Voldemort.”

This confused me a bit.

“We knew that already, Harry.” I said carefully, reaching for my wand. Confundus was what I had hoped was causing this, and not a break in Harry’s Occlumency or Polyjuice. I hadn’t quite checked before I let the boy in. He smelled right, at least.

“No! They’ve figured it out!”

“What?”

”He’s still on our side.”

“What?!”

I was in shock, I think. I took the chair that I had offered him.

“Are you saying that he didn’t kill the Headmaster?”

“No, I’m saying that he didn’t want to.”

I could not answer. I think my hands were shaking badly on the table.

“He’s furious.” Harry explained with a grimace. “I dreamt it, tonight. He couldn’t believe he had been fooled.”

“How did he find out?”

“Snape didn’t kill Nagini fast enough. She saw him coming.” He looked up at me suddenly, eyes a little glassy. “They’re killing him.”

That was too much. I grabbed my wand and the traveling cloak that Severus had thrown at me before.

“Where are they?”

“I…don’t know.”

“You can find out.”

“I’ve never been taught Legilimency.”

“Try, Harry.” I paused. “Please.”

“…Alright.”

Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,

“They have him.”

No, they couldn’t. They had no right. He belonged to me.

I don’t much recall the battle. I remember the rage. I remember seeing his body crumpled on the floor, a pool of black and red. I remember shooting hexes at anyone who stood in my path. I remember holding him in my arms, willing him to keep breathing, to stay conscious.

I was told after that Harry had in that time destroyed the remaining horcrux and then Voldemort himself. He still laughs at me when we speak of it. Evidently the look on my face had been priceless when they recounted this to me.

They had given Severus to my care, partially because I refused to let him go, partially because they were relieved to vacate a bed for the numerous other victims of the war. He awoke to find himself in my bed, under warm blankets, cuts and bruises healing, freshly bathed, and in the company of one very fussy, very over-concerned werewolf who was anxious for forgiveness. I am lucky that he was feeling benevolent that day, or perhaps, at least feeling so starved for forgiveness himself, that he gave his own gratefully.

Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied,

But then the Ministry came to take him away from me again. He was put in Azkaban under charges of murder and the usage of unforgivable spells.

He had been given a trial. It was looking bleak, however, as the Ministry was well aware their handling of the last trials had inadvertently helped the Dark Lord’s resurrection. And then Harry stood to testify.

He first put forward Dumbledore’s pensieve, into which the Headmaster had placed memories describing how Severus was to kill him to save both his own life and that of Draco. Harry then moved on to the memory of the nightmare that had brought him to my house that evening Severus was discovered.

With teary eyes, he told of how Severus had saved his life time and time again, despite the fact that he had been the constant target of a youthful James Potter. He spoke of selflessness where there should have been none, a vow to protect the son of a man who had little love for Severus. He spoke of a man who had very reluctantly killed Albus Dumbledore only because the Headmaster had wished for it to be so, and who had personally destroyed the most dangerous of all Voldemort’s horcruxes. By the end of his speech, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

I’ve never in my life seen the Ministry act so fast. Before the day was out, Severus was completely acquitted of all crimes, and had been bestowed the Order of Merlin first and second class. There was talk of creating a national holiday in his honour, but Harry suggested that this would not be necessary, after observing Severus’ scowl from beneath the curtain of black hair. It was after the trial when we were all once again safely in my house that I realized the boy’s smirk quite resembled Severus’, likely a result of facing the original so often.

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear...

Severus had been paler than I had ever remembered that day we brought him home. He had not yet recovered when the Ministry tore him from me, and the time in Azkaban only worsened his condition. I once again tried to make him as comfortable as possible, but something in me cracked when his eyes fluttered open weakly and he set an expression of absolute defiance on his face, not yet realizing where he was. I touched my hand to his cheek and as our eyes met, his frown slowly softened. I knew that look as the one reserved only for me. Tears would only earn me another scowl, I knew, so I elected instead to capture those expressive lips in a lingering kiss.

I pulled back in alarm when I felt a wetness on my cheeks and became even more distressed when I realized the tears were not my own. The anger was back, leveled at those who had elicited these tears. I wiped them away and held him tightly, silently willing him to understand that he was safe, that I would never let him go. He gently wrapped his arms around my waist and looked into my eyes again, a look that was nothing but loving, and therefore utterly vulnerable. It undid me completely.

I wish I could say that I was gentle after this. The smell of his blood so recent to my senses and so close to his skin was maddening. Others had cut him and marked him without right. I was determined to make my claim known, to prove to all others that Severus only belonged to me.

I like to think that had he asked me, I would have stopped. In truth, we will never know because the only words he screamed were my name as he pulled me into him with any strength he had left. We awoke the next morning as we have awoken every morning after that, in each other’s arms, safe, and blissfully at peace.