InsaneJournal

Fic: A dish best served cold (pg-13)
I was going to enter this one in a challenge at a Harry Potter community, but my internet died the weekend it was to be submitted. The challenge asked that I amend HBP to support a ship of my choice by taking an actual line from the book and creating an alternate ending. I would like to add at this point, that I am not a vindictive person. *smiles sweetly*

Contains HBP spoilers. Please read at your own risk.

Title: A Dish Best Served Cold
Length: 850
Genre: Humor
Pairing: Tonks/?
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Suggestive, but not explicit (as always, no?)
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I simply dream.




Edit: (My apologies for the horrible Mundungus accent, and also to Tonks fans. She's a lovely girl, but this plot bunny was too much fun to ignore).

~*~

Harry swore at the top of his voice, spinning on the spot to where Mundungus had gone.
"COME BACK, YOU THIEVING - !"

"There's no point, Harry."

Tonks had appeared out of nowhere, her mousy hair wet with sleet.

"Mundungus will probably be in London by now. There's no point yelling."

(pg. 231-232, Raincoast ver.)



Tonks left them to their own devices, and Ron and Hermione persuaded Harry to join them at the Three Broomsticks. After his third mug of butterbeer, something occurred to the boy.

"How the hell did Tonks know where Mundungus was going?"

---

As soon as the trio had departed, Tonks apparated to her London flat. Mundungus was already sitting on her couch, wheezing fitfully.

"You shouldn't have done it." She said bluntly.

"Well, what'd you 'spect me t'do, live off your good graces for the rest of m'life?" Mundungus muttered.

"That's exactly what I want you to do." Tonks answered, voice rising with emotion.

Mundungus looked at the girl warily.

"I do 'ppreciate you've let me stay here, Tonks, an' I don't know if Dumbledore 'as put you up to it—"

"He didn't. I don't know why I didn't see it before but…I love you Mundungus." Her voice was filled with conviction. The roots of her hair began to turn pink.

"Listen Tonks, I know you feel bad about Lupin not wanting ya—"

"This has nothing to do with him." Tonks scowled. "That was simply a silly crush. I thought I saw Sirius in him, but he was nothing like my cousin at all."

"Cousin? Wait just a minute now, y'mean…you…just. Err." Mundungus was beginning to look very uncomfortable.

"But with you it's different. I see the sun and the moon in your eyes." Mundungus thought that Tonks was beginning to look a little bit deranged.

"Kind of you to say, but...you...ahh...ain't really my type, sorry Tonks." Mundungus quickly apparated out of the apartment.

"You just wait, Dung, you'll see that we're perfect for each other." Tonks screamed into the empty room.

__

A year later, Remus Lupin and Severus Snape lounged on the sands of a tropical beach, sipping margaritas that were heavily laced with tequila.

"Severus?" Remus asked sleepily.

"Mm?"

"Have you read the letter that Harry sent us?"

"Actually, Lupin, I made a point of not reading it. We are on vacation, afterall."

Remus laughed. "Well there wasn't much business in it. He just wanted to let us know that everyone is doing well. Oh, and Tonks finally found Mundungus."

"And has him chained to her bedroom until he agrees to make passionate, unrestrained love to her daily, I imagine?"

"I thought you said that you didn't read the letter."

"I might have skimmed it."

Remus raised an eyebrow in a rather convincing imitation of Severus' second-favourite facial expression.

"I wonder what she sees in him." He mused.

"I do hope that you are not bitter that she chose a man of such a...different repute after pursuing you for so long."

"Of course not." Remus looked indignant. He paused. "Maybe she was given a love potion?" He ventured hopefully.

"Remus, if you weren't such a hopeless dunce at potions, you would have realized that love potions contain ingredients that are both unruly and temperamental. No potion without detrimental side effects would last for longer than a week, and only a potions master of most extraordinary talent could ever hope to create such concoction." Severus could not help but smirk.

"Perhaps it was re-administe..." Remus suddenly realized that Snape's smile was a little too smug. He shot his lover a warning glare. "You didn't."

Severus put down his drink and stretched lazily. "It wears off eventually."

"How long?"

"I only needed it to last long enough for Potter to defeat the Dark Lord so that I could reveal that I was actually acting on the Headmaster's orders and escape here with you. And if you will recall, you had told me that she was beginning to grate on your nerves." Snape added silkily.

Remus rolled his eyes, but was smiling despite himself.

"How long?"

"Seeing that my calculations are hardly ever wrong, I would say...about now."

Half a world a way, a woman unleashed a blood-curling scream.

"It wasn't her fault, you know." Remus said, trying very hard not to sound amused. "We didn't exactly make clear that we were hopelessly in love with each other."

Severus rolled onto his side, slowly snaking his arm around Remus' waist. "Unfortunately Lupin, I am not quite as benevolent. All I saw was a little tramp attempting to move in on my territory." His eyes glittered possessively as they regarded the werewolf. His werewolf.

Remus blushed under his lover's gaze.

"At least she didn't marry him." Severus' smirked again.

Remus made a face. "No, thank Merlin for that." Sighing, he pulled Severus closer towards him. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Oh I have a few ideas." Severus purred.

Remus smiled, drawing the other man in for a teasing kiss. "You will have to show me then."

And so he did.